Okay, thought I’d have some fun and blog my day today as it unfolds …
6:40 a.m. Hey look, I slept in all of 20 minutes! And this with the bed (and house) all to myself as my wife has taken the boys to Massachusetts for the weekend to visit her parents while I paint the porch floor—do I know how to live or what?
The good news is that I finished painting yesterday afternoon, so now I have all day today to fret about, er, I mean, *ENJOY* the opening Sunday of the NFL season. The Jets kick off against the Bills at 1 p.m., so that means I have a little more than six hours to kill. Luckily, I have BIG plans for the day, you know, like the laundry and grocery shopping.
Like I said, living the dream.
7:04 a.m. Major problem already—I only have short white socks to wear! How could I have let this happen on game day—I’ve only had nine months to plan what I was going to wear today! And somehow I ended up with white socks instead of my traditional black ones?! Really?!
And if you think that I think that the color of the socks on my feet in my house over 80 miles away from where the game is being played today actually could somehow have a bearing on the outcome, then you’re clearly not a sports fan. Sure, I’m an atheist and don’t believe there’s any sort of overarching force that affects the universe—but when it comes to sports, all that goes out the window.
Hypocritical much? Absolutely. But what I wear on my feet affects the game as much as where I sit in my living room does while watching. You may (absolutely correctly) think that’s zero percent, but I will have black socks on my feet by the time kick-off rolls around. I just hope wearing the white ones doesn’t ruin it all anyway.
7:58 a.m. Showered and eating breakfast, I check my email and discover (via my wife) that the article about my book is in this morning’s New Haven Register. GAH! At least they took the time to make sure to have my profile picture match Benedict Arnold’s—jerks of a feather, flocking together. So much for wanting to finish breakfast.
Well, no one reads newspapers any more, right? Maybe none of my friends will notice.
8:01 a.m. Okay, apparently people still read papers as I see the article linked on Facebook and tweeted on Twitter. Yay friends.
8:43 a.m. Time to start my game-day rituals. Whereas others might be prepping their tailgate or applying the first coat of face paint, I’m sorting lights and darks and finishing the shopping list. I think we need more feminine hygiene products and copies of the New Haven Register—actually, I have a vision of that “I Love Lucy” episode where Lucy was trying to hide a story from Ricky and went down to the newsstand and tried to cut the article out of all the papers. If you pick up a copy of Register and there’s a hole neatly cut in it, you’ll know what happened.
10: 26 a.m. Successful return from the grocery store(s)—man, I still miss Xpect Discount in Derby.
A few quick notes from my excursion:
• I see a motorcycle in the parking lot and it takes me a moment to realize why it struck me odd: Who goes shopping with a motorcycle? It’s not like it had a sidecar for groceries, so unless you were buying a pack of tic tacs, where would you put everything? I guess if you had a backpack that might work, but still …
• I bring my own bags, but because I’m not able to hand them quick enough to the bagger, she puts a gallon of orange juice in a plastic bag. I hand her my canvas bags, but apparently the unopened oj has somehow tainted the plastic bag and she doesn’t remove it, she just puts it in my cart. “Earth Destroyed By Lazy Baggers!” would be the headline of the New Haven Register, you know, if I hadn’t ruined them all by cutting out all the article about me.
• If you want to know why a large jar of peanut butter costs $7, I submit this as Exhibit A—
All that paper for about 11 items totaling $40. Seriously, they used less paper on the first draft of the Declaration of Independence!
10: 35 a.m. Move the laundry over to the dryer. The black socks should be ready in time—the Jets season can still be saved!
11:12 a.m. Out on the porch, using a fine watercolor brush to fix any mistakes from my painting the floor yesterday. Yes, I’m that meticulous.
Noon T-minus one hour. Yeah, baby!
12:24 p.m. This is as close as I’m getting to a tailgate today—sitting on the couch eating cold fried chicken while watching “New York Jets Flight Plan” pregame show. It opens talking about one of my all-time favorite players, Curtis Martin, who was inducted into the Hall of Fame a few weeks ago. As they show Martin’s clips, I’m officially starting to get PUMPED UP!!!
J-E-T-S JETS! JETS! JETS!
12:50 p.m. WHEW!
12:59 p.m. Disclaimer: It’s just one game in a long season, so win or lose, I’ll be okay.
12:59 p.m. Disclaimer to the disclaimer: I’ll be okay as long as they win.
1:00 p.m. IT’S GO TIME!
1:09 p.m. And the Jets pick up where they left off last year, Mark Sanchez throwing a bad interception. Wait! It may be overturned on replay as it appears the Bills player ran out of bounds when he caught it.
1:10 p.m. Or not. Danged replacement officials!
1:15 p.m. That’s okay because Jets all-world cornerback Darrelle Revis gets an interception! Jets ball again.
1:23 p.m. New York Jets touchdown! Sanchez to Jeremy Kerley TD pass. Yay! They are not going to be shut out this year, despite not scoring any TDs in the preseason. NYJ 7, BUF 0.
1:38 p.m. End of the first quarter with the same score. Can we just stop the game here?
1:40 p.m. TD Jets! Sanchez to the rookie Stephen Hill! It’s not even an hour into the season and Sanchez has two TDs—and no one took him in my fantasy league. Hmm … NYJ 14, BUF 0.
1:49 p.m. Another Jets TD, this one on a long punt return by Kerley, which means 6 for the Jets and 6 for my fantasy football team. I like the way this is going! NYJ 21, BUF 0.
2:00 p.m. Okay, Buffalo scores on a long run. It’s a ball game, kids, and after almost relaxing, my stomach is back in knots. NYJ 21, BUF 7.
2:35 p.m. The second quarter is quiet by comparison with only two Jets field goal, and at halftime, with the Jets up 27-7, I dare to pop open a Coke. (Not for celebration, but because I’ve already got a caffeine headache.)
2:52 p.m. The second half opens with Antonio Cromartie of the Jets intercepting the Bills and taking it in for another defensive TD and 6 more points for my fantasy team. NYJ 34, BUF 7.
3:08 p.m. Yet another Jets offensive TD and the Jets now go up 34 points. My “ghostwriter” Steve texts me: “Borrrring.” I hope the Jets are this boring every week! NYJ 41, BUF 7
3:09 p.m. Almost starting to relax. Almost. It is a Jets game, after all.
3:15 p.m. So much for relaxation—my son bursts through the front door and sprints past me, saying, “The porch looks grea—I gotta peeeeeeee!” My wife and other son also eventually come in, but with less drama.
3:20 p.m. A Buffalo TD—still, the Jets have a big cushion. Not concerned. Yet. NYJ 41, BUF 14.
3:29 p.m. End of the 3rd quarter with the same score. Feeling daring, I put on my running shorts (but leave the black socks on) with the idea of going for a run after the game. Win or lose, I’ll need to burn off a little energy.
3:32 p.m. You know it’s a good afternoon for your team when the first time you see your punter is with 14:11 left in the game.
3:55 p.m. Another Buffalo TD brings the Bills within three touchdowns. Should I switch back to the old shorts? NYJ 41, BUF 21.
4:05 p.m. Yet another Buffalo TD! I know the Jets’ defense has taken its foot off the gas with the big lead, but now it’s getting close, and there’s still plenty of time left for Buffalo to come back. Officially nervous again. NYJ 41, BUF 28.
4:12 p.m. The two-minute warning and the Jets are inside the Bills’ 10-yard-line. Anxiety starting to dissipate, and I put on my running shoes.
4:17 p.m. Jets score a final TD to put a nail in the Bills’ coffin. Unless it’s the greatest collapse in NFL history, this should be a done deal. I mean, what are the chances, right? Right? Ugh. NYJ 48, BUF 28.
4:21 p.m. And that’s the final score. I finally officially exhale and text my friend Grande Papa, the only Bills fans that I know to tell him I wish that the Jets had hammered the Patriots instead. Not surprisingly, I get no response back from him as I’m guessing he turned his phone off around half time …
Oh, and I told you: IT WAS THE BLACK SOCKS!!! I KNEW IT!!! WE’RE ON OUR WAY TO AN UNDEFEATED SEASON!!!
J-E-T-S JETS! JETS! JETS!
Then again, I’ll just be happy with a Super Bowl win, thanks.
4:30 p.m. Time to go for a victory lap (or 14) at the track. I hope I get to do this another dozen or so times this year!
After I get home, I’ll make dinner and then spend the rest of the night basking in the glow of victory, watching all the highlights and post-game shows.
Oh, and I’ll make sure my socks are ready ahead of time next week …