Apr 202020
 

… So I was just trying to mind my own business and sort out this danged rayality, and now with so much danged time on my hands and out of household projects, I’ve got to resort to this crap again! “Oh, type something funny blog monkey, entertain us!”

Ugh. I hate you people, even when you’re not around!

So having extra time to contemplate the Universe, I’ve decided to … uh … contemplate the Universe!

Hey, I’ve always loved space and astronomy, and all the wonder of the endless cosmos that surround this tiny blue marble. In fact, it was just about a year ago in this space that I was trying to wrap my mind around the first-ever images of a black hole in outer space, among other cool features and images from well beyond our earthbound existence.

If you’re inclined to notice, the pace of the discoveries being made by astronomers and astrophysicists around the globe is continuing unabated. It seems as if every day they’re finding new exoplanets (more than 50 already in 2020), spotting interstellar objects (such as Oumuamua), and unraveling more and more mysteries about dark matter, black holes and all manner of interstellar mystery.

Oh, and what about all the new constellations! It doesn’t get as much notice as some of the other space stories out there, but there’s been a slew of new connect-the-stars drawings. In 2018, NASA made headlines when it named 21 new constellations that have been identified using the Fermi Gamma-ray Space Telescope. The Hulk (because of the gamma-ray connection), Godzilla, the Starship Enterprise, and Dr. Who’s Tardis are among the latest official additions to the lore of the night sky. Such mirth and madcappery! Who says scientists are boring? Pah!

Of course, with all the other news as of late, you may have missed some of the brandy-new ones that were recently added. Always eager to spread knowledge, let me share a few with you:

First up, if you look to the Western spring sky, is Manny the Manatee—

Manny

A bit crude, but you can see him … you know, if you squint a bit.

Next is Steve, the Fisherman …

steve_fish

Again, a tad of imagination is needed, but you can see it. Sort of.

Now if you’re worried that Steve is lonely up there in the Heavens all by himself, don’t worry! Just a few galaxies over is Bertha the Librarian.

bertha_librarian

Awww … she’s a cutie, right? And I bet she’s a lot of fun when those glasses come off—watch out, Steve!

Speaking of more fun, to the Far North, there’s Squatchy the Sasquatch!

Squatchy

Not exactly a looker, but hey, I’m sure to the right Bigfoot, she’s a  … uh … another Bigfoot. I’m not one to judge. Love is love.

And everyone loves dogs, right? Turn South and say hi to Hector, the Support Chihuahua!

Hector

He looks sorta mean for support pup, no? Well, I’m sure he makes some nervous frequent flyer happy, even if he’s not all that friendly.

Oh, you know who’s always a friendly? Dorothy the Dinosaur!

dorothy

Romp-pomp-a-chomp!

And while we’re on iconic children’s figures, how can we have a party in the sky without Fudgie the Whale?!

fudgie

And, of course, a quasar to the left, his good friend Cookie Puss!

cookiepuss

Hmm … not sure why, but do they kind of look … oh, never mind! I’m just seeing things.

Okay, I’m not going to pretend to understand this one, but hey, it’s Flappers the Two-Headed Goat!

flappers

Yay? Hmmm …

Finally, this one over the night skies of Philly is simply called Ongo the Influencer.

Ongo

Derivative!

Anyway, always happy to drop some knowledge on you all. Sweet dreams my little blogaroos!

Jul 242013
 

So I thought I’d share a few things about and from me … you know, since this is my blog and this is probably the best place for it.

• Here is the link to the CT-N broadcast of the recent Connecticut jerks event at the Old State House. (Wish I could embed the video here, but apparently that’s not how CT-N rolls.) Once again, I’d like to give a huge thanks to two guys who are definitely NOT jerks—Charley Monagan and M. William Phelps for taking the time to participate in this event. It was incredibly generous of them to go to Hartford for the event, especially at high noon on one of the hottest days of the year.

Also another big thanks to the Old State House for having me, and especially to everyone who came out to the event!

• Speaking of jerks—literally! Here’s the podcast of me (and Charley) on WNPR’s “The Colin McEnroe Show.”  It’s always a good time when you can talk about jerks!

• For football fans, here’s a recent fun piece I did for The Jets Blog on former Jets special teams coach Mike Westhoff, “inducting” him as a member of the TJB Hall of Fame.

• From my daytime gig, here’s a piece about renowned ghost hunters Ed and Lorraine Warren, who are the main characters of the new movie The Conjuring. In addition to what I wrote, there’s a profile that I dug up from the April 1972 edition of Connecticut Magazine, which featured the Warrens on the cover.

• Speaking of allegedly haunted stuff, here’s the most recent Damned Connecticut podcast—along with my BFFs Kate and Steve Frank—on Dudleytown, a place that the Warrens dubbed cursed. Bonus: Kate and I actually convince Steve to sing, something that everyone should hear at least once.

Anyway, hope you enjoy

 

 

May 082013
 

So we went to see Iron Man 3 the other night—a very fun summer blockbuster (make sure to stay through the credits)—and it got me to thinking, as most films tend to do.

Don’t worry—no real spoilers ahead.

If you saw the first two movies (or even the commercials for the new one), you know that Tony Stark (the character that Robert Downey Jr. plays) is an inveterate inventor, and as such, likes to make multiple versions of his Iron Man suits, such as War Machine, which is used by his buddy Col. James Rhodes (brought to life the last two times by Don Cheadle) or robotic ones he just keeps around for convenient plot purposes …

Wait, that wasn't a spoiler, right?

So you can already see where this is going—I need to make multiple versions of myself, although not to fight off comic book villains. (Although I do reserve the right to do so if I’m attacked by some unforeseen nemesis—say like Cannibal J. Clown and his Fright-Wigged Gang of Grease Paint Goons.) No, what I need is more of me to try and do all the things I want to do in my life.

If you’re a regular reader of this blog—or even an irregular one—you may have noticed it’s been a few weeks since I last posted. The culprit is a simple lack of time as I’ve been extraordinarily busy with the myriad tasks involved with being a father, husband, homeowner, friend, neighbor, magazine editor and all-around swell guy. Obviously, if there were more versions of me, I could keep up with all the demands on my time, right? Of course.

And let’s be honest—cloning me really sounds like the GREATEST. IDEA. EVER. Really. I’m pretty sure more of me is the answer to most of the world’s problems.

But I’d like to do something other than simply making more carbon copies of me. What would be great would be if somehow I could split out the various aspects of Original Ray into different versions of me, but then somehow merge them back together so I can actually experience everything. Because I really don’t want to miss anything—I just want the opportunity to Do It All.

So based on my calculations, what I’d need is:

Writer Ray – This version of me would be doing the heavy lifting in terms of keeping my various blogs updated and working on that brilliant manuscript of mine that I started last year and that will make me a household name (like Charmin or Cottenelle) as well as a bajillion dollars. He’d also get cracking on that screenplay based on the life of my all-time favorite jerk.

Now that I think about it, I might need two of these guys—one dedicated to futzing about on the intrawebs and the other who handles the quasi-professional long-term projects.

Worker Ray – Hey, someone has to go out and make the big bucks, right? Actually, that person is my wife, so this version will at least try to bring home enough pay to cover groceries.

Home Improvement Ray – Although I have two groundskeepers-in-training to help me out now, there are a few shrubs in the yard that … uh, let’s say, “have gotten away from me.” Also plenty of little projects around the house that apparently won’t take care of themselves—no matter how many times I walk past the attic door, apparently it won’t replace its own doorknob.

Social Ray – Obviously, I want to participate in the fun stuff (like going to see Iron Man 3 or roller derby), but there’s plenty of other more mundane [*cough cough* boring *cough*] events—back-to-school nights, funerals, recitals, doctor’s appointments, shopping mall openings, cat-naming parties, etc.—that it would be great to send a proper representative.

This version of me would also be a trophy piece/eye candy for my wife for all her social functions. (Might have to polish that one up *a bit* more than the others.)

Romantic Ray – To be used by my lovely wife as she sees fit.

X Ray – You know, the superhero version of me who fights for right, justice and the American way!

Altruistic Ray – This one will be in charge of helping friends move, driving family to the airport and covering volunteer activities like feeding the homeless and giving blood. Or bleeding the homeless, if necessary.

Fit Ray – This poor sucker has to be the one who gets in shape for the rest of us—he doesn’t have to run triathlons or work out with such enthusiasm that it’d make for an awesome Rocky montage (although it would be cool), but if he could keep our cardio up and our weight down, that’d be acceptable.

This version would also get be charged with fixing the slice in our golf swing, getting our 5K time under 24 minutes and learning to shred the half pipe.

Medical Bag Ray – In addition to taking all inoculations and medications, this one gets to have our teeth cleaned, vision checked (I think we need reading glasses, by the way) and our colons scoped. Also, enjoys the privilege of passing any remaining kidney stones.

This one would also probably be the one subjected to the medical tests and cell harvesting required to create the other ones.

Dad Ray – Actually, the true me will take this gig full time (along with the romantic one) if I can get the other versions to do their parts.

Soo …. now that I have that all sorted out, all I need to do is somehow make it happen.

Hmmm …. maybe I need a Brainstorm Ray, too.