Okay, this list was inspired by a conversation with my work wife Moosey while we were driving to get Oreo cookie blizzards from Dairy Queen and some dipstick cut us off … at that moment, I immediately wished I had #1 on this list of
Five TV Inventions That I Want in Real Life
1. The Little Rascals’ Boxing Glove Car Attachment –
Click on it to see it in action—mesmerizing, isn't it?
This one would need replaceable gloves because I’m pretty sure I’d wear the leather out during my first commute to work. Seriously, how sweet would it be to have a boxing glove mounted on your car to punch out other idiot drivers as you passed them? I will dream of this tonight.
On a side note, this clip was brilliant as each “actor” stood still and took a full hit to the jaw—brilliant!
2. The Slave-inator –
Although the evil genius Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz of “Phineas and Ferb” has dozens of great inventions, I’m partial to this one that simply hypnotizes everyone into doing whatever I tell them to do. Seems pretty straightforward for anyone like myself hell bent on global domination, right?
Runner up: The Poop-inator, you know, because getting pigeons to poop on people on command seems useful in a petty, juvenile way, and I am nothing if not petty and juvenile.
3. Prof. Pat Pending’s Convertacar –
With my driving and road rage issues (see #1), it might be more handy to have a vehicle straight out of “The Wacky Races” that can convert to pretty much anything I need it to be—a boat, a plane, a car on stilts to get over traffic, etc. One thing I never understood though: Prof. Pending could build this amazing car and all these devices, yet he couldn’t figure out how to apply a little grease to the wheels so they wouldn’t have that annoying squeak all the time?
4. Gigantor –
Okay this one may really dating myself, but I’m thinking there may not be a downside to having my own indestructible giant flying space-age robot (complete with trippy theme music) to do my bidding. Really, what red-blooded American (or Japanese) boy wouldn’t want one?
5. Star Trek Transporter –
As I feel like I’m running around like crazy all the time between work, home and kids’ activities, how would this not be the Most. Useful. Thing. EVER? A nanosecond commute to work? Sign me up!
By the by, notice that I picked this transporter over the one in “The Fly.” I started thinking that the only down side of a transporter might be if everyone decided to show up at the same place at the same time. You know, say like everyone deciding to go to work at exactly 8:59:59—with all those particles coming into one place at one time, there seems like there’d be a decent chance that you might accidentally be fused together with a co-worker or two, which would be awkward at best and depending on the co-workers, horrible at least. Star Trek seemed to have this multiple person issue figured out, while “The Fly” … well, didn’t.
Anyway, feel free to add any I may have missed in the comments!
[…] suddenly have about $8 billion in assets at my disposal, which would go a loooooong way to building that Star Trek transporter I’ve dreamed about. Throw in those fancy digs and cushy lifestyle, I see it as a win all around […]